Learning to live as an Egyptian: Family Matters

Surrounded by family. That’s something I don’t get to experience very often. With no siblings, and the majority of my family on the east coast or the other side of the world, it is only a few times a year that I find myself in a room entirely populated with blood relatives. I’m very grateful that both of my parents have large families. Especially my dad: He is one of eight, and all of his siblings have 2-4 children, at least half of whom now have 1-3 kids. Not to mention my extended cousins, cousins of cousins, children of cousins of cousins… I meet new family members every time I come to Egypt. And all relatives here, immediate and distant, are part of the typical family scene. Aunts and uncles become like second parents. Cousins are raised like siblings. It is not uncommon for families to be living in the same neighborhood, or even the same building, as their immediate relatives. There is little priority given to degree of relation. If you’re family, you’re family, no matter how closely or distantly related.

I envy my cousins in that they all grew up together like siblings. It’s weird to be the only only-child in the family. Thanks to our annual visits to Egypt since I was a baby, my Egyptian cousins have always been in my life, though I’ve by no stretch been as integrated in their lives as they have been with each other. Because of this, I always felt a foreigner when I came to visit them. True, I saw them as much as (and sometimes more than) I saw my American cousins every year. But because families are so closely knit in Egypt, I never felt a part of that fabric. I was the special guest, the bonus cousin they saw once a year.

This is the first time I’m actually starting to feel like an integrated member of the family. And it is in no way due to the treatment I’ve received from my family in the past – they have always embraced me with open arms and unconditional love. The distance I felt was largely due to my inhibition with the language, and therefore, my understanding of the culture and lifestyle. I never realized how much of a barrier that created until I started making the effort to learn and speak Egyptian Arabic. Now that I am gaining some competency with the language, I already feel that my cousins and I have a deeper understanding of each other. Having more opportunity to spend time with my cousins alone on this trip has also meant a lot. Plus the fact that we are older and more mature now, and it’s easier to find common ground on significant topics.

Observing my father’s close relationships with his siblings, and the lengths he goes to in order to maintain good relations with the entire family – not just affection, but consistent phone calls, making sure we visit and spend time with each family member during our visits, bringing gifts when appropriate, doing favors, etc. – I’ve always wondered, with a fair amount of anxiety, how I will possibly be able to take up that mantle and maintain the same kind of ties with my cousins as we become adults and start our own families. Now I have no trouble picturing it. I already feel close enough to the entire family that I know this will never be a challenge. And I'm coming to understand how important my close family ties will be for both my personal and professional plans in Egypt in the near and distant future.